quit dates

Day 5

After all these years I never really knew how much cigarettes had a hold on me and that I was in a relationship with them.

I have often wondered what will make me stop. What keeps me going on even though I’ve witnessed cancer directly in my life. 

Last year, an acquaintance announced his impending marriage to his partner of more than 5 years, however, this person was having an affair. As people spoke about the news I sat there knowing this information and I didn't judge and I didn't gossip.  On the night before the wedding I ran into him at the local pub and as we were acquaintances, he wasn't aware that I smoked. As I lit up, he called me disgusting and that I was filthy for smoking – ‘how could I live with myself’, he said.  This spurred a number of thoughts in my head - I asked myself, 'how can I be this filthy, when he was entering a marriage in lies?'
Perhaps his personal attack was a catalyst, I don’t know and does it even matter now?

Who knows if this blog will be therapeutic or just something to bide time during insomnia but I am sure other people who are quitting can relate.

Quitting could even be amusing.